like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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