she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
