lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Couch. On fire.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
