I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
