yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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