The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
