Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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