So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
