rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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