So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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