Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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