New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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