a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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