i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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