fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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