I think my vagina is haunted
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
