I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
