you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
wow bdsm is so cute
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
