I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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