trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
