I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
