Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize