..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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