You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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