I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
