I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
