I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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