first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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