Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
