This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize