Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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