how can u be prego again
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
