It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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