He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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