Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
