Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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