I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize