i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
