Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
