I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
