you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize