It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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