I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
