I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
