I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
