I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
