and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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