He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
