you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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