We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
