Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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