I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
