I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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