:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
