Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
