Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
