You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
