On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
