We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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