i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
