We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
