Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
