i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
