Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
