There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize