My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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