3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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