Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
