so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize