i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
