found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
